Day 24: I'm Packing.. For Coachella

Today was spent running errands and packing. Packing. Oh, packing, how I love thee (and I honestly do). Most people find this to be odd; usually people prefer to unpack rather than pack. For one, it's quicker; half the stuff in your suitcase you can just dump into the washer and let modern technology supervise your laundry while you slink to the couch and slowly slip into a mild comma induced by the traveling itself and–even worse–the traveler's diet. But I, the anomaly–love to pack. I love the anticipation and level of mental involvement that is required when packing. When packing, you must think about the essential things you need to bring; then you bring twice that amount. Or at least, that is what happens when I pack. And this system works just fine.. until that ungodly moment when your suitcase won't close and your zipper looks like a man trying to take a bite out of a hamburger that is too big for the size of his mouth. And there is always that dreaded moment when you discover that your bag is too obese to board the airplane.. nothing is worse than that. But aside from the occasional conflict that arises from overpacking, packing, for me, is quite an enjoyable task. And through my day of packing, I have finally created all my outfits for Coachella this weekend and I am so eager to share them with you these next few days. 

Today's outfit included a tribal-print maxi-dress from Studio 1220, faux-fur vest, and white, heeled sandals. In comparison to yesterday's outfit, this one was much more feminine and bohemian. I love this maxi-dress because the bold print allows this dress to stand strong without much additional clothing. I wore the vest because I felt it matched the earthy tone emanating from this outfit. Though the vest is a bold statement piece, the neutral color of the faux-fur doesn't clash or distract from the print and colors of the dress. 

Today I worked on another poem that I wanted to share:

"May I Wish"

Starlight, 

It was a star–bright. The first star I saw tonight,

May I wish, and wish that I might

Have I the eyes I had that night. 

When May had come, and was in the air

The smell of you was all that I cared. 

When I saw you there, and you were all 

That I cared. They were–but you were. All I saw

That night, I in my dress, was you standing there.

That night, when I wanted nothing more than to be where

You were.

Starlight,

It was a star-bright. The first star I saw tonight,

May I wish, and wish that I might

Forget the pain that I felt that night. 

In March that came the day when 

Time was against us–yet again.

When I saw you there and you were

All that I cared when that night occurred.

Yes, my love, you were all that I cared, but

I listened to reason and not my gut

That night, with my roses, when I saw you there.

That night, when emptiness replaced the space where

You were.

Starlight,

It was a star–bright. The first star I saw tonight,

May I wish, and wish that I might

One day live the moments I see tonight.

In June I see, and it's just you and me

In that picture of us that sits on the

Table by our bed where we lie. And I feel

Your touch–it's all that I care. It's real,

Now I feel you with me–it's all that I care.

You're with me here, no more to go anywhere.

That night, someday, I'll see you there

That night I'll be there. I'll be where

You are. 

I hope you enjoyed that. The rhythm isn't all there, but I wanted to try something different. I played with anaphora a lot in this one and incorporated a new take on an old Disney quote. I always remember this little phrase when I gaze out into the twilight and find that little star that shines brighter than the rest. Granted, in the city, half the time that "star" turns out to be an airplane. But even still, the belief is all that really matters in the end. The belief in the wish, not the star. Those who believe in their wishes and their dreams, receive them ultimately. And that's not because of a star...

Boston Tea Party, revisited

Dress: Studio 1220, Vest: Forever 21, Sandals: Steve Madden, Headband: Papaya

Thanks for reading tonight, I look forward to sharing my adventures at the best music festival of our generation with you! Until tomorrow, enjoy little things, live life, and be unnaked. 

Day 23: It's the Dream Not the Pen

I've learned that it is hard to live life according to a script you have written for yourself. It's like trying to plan out how many times you will blink in a day or the number of times you will breathe in and out in a minute. Some things just need to happen organically. Now that’s not to say that we shouldn’t make goals and dreams for ourselves and that these goals and dreams won’t come true. With hard work and patience, you can achieve your dreams, I truly believe that; however, the path that leads you to your goal may be different from what you expected. And that’s okay. You know up until as recent as a couple weeks ago, I believed that there was only one way to my ultimate goal; and that way was the script I had written in my head: I would graduate, go to school in New York and proceed from there to venture into the world taxes and rent and pretty much everything to do with reality. But that was then, and this is now. And now, I feel as though reality has slapped me in the face with a cold fish. Things don’t happen the way we plan them. They can’t. It’s not possible. You cannot plan out the experiences you may have, people you may meet, or places you may go because you don’t live in a glass bubble. Regardless of whether we realize it or not, what any given person does affects each of us; and we do, of course, affects the world around us respectively. If you imagine a time when you were waiting on a friend who was late for lunch plans, you will understand what I mean. That friend who was late, may have been stuck in the parking lot waiting for a woman and her son to finish packing her car with endless bags of groceries who may be short on time because she was called last minute to fill-in for another mom by bringing snacks for the boys' soccer game because she couldn’t make it to the game because her younger daughter broke her wrist and needed to be taken to the doctor. And because of all this, your friend was roughly fifteen minutes late to a twelve-thirty meeting time. If a plan as minute as this can be affected by smallest occurrences, how can your ultimate life script not be changed–affected by your own weaknesses, strengths, and plain chance? What I’m saying is, our scripts are forever changing because we live in a world that is forever changing. The best thing we can learn to do–a thing that I have trouble with more than anything else–is adapt. To learn to be resilient in pursuing our ultimate goals but open to finding new trails that lead to that same dreams. Some trails may be open to us one day and then closed the next. But if the goal, the dream matters enough, we will eventually find our way to where we were always heading–where we are ultimately meant to be. All we can do until then is be patient, be persistent, and be present–because life hands us opportunities when we are present and available to take them. 

Today I drove up the coast with my mom to visit some of the schools in the Los Angeles region that I have been accepted to. I toured the theatre department at CSU Fullerton, and took a second look at Occidental College and UCSB. While none of these schools were anywhere close to my top schools when I was applying back in October, I am now learning more about each of them as well as the others that I have also been accepted to. I'm also learning to finally let go of that pen that I've held in trying to write my life down on paper. I am rather looking at the big picture–what is the smartest, most growth-encouraging and cost-effiecent option for me that will get me where I ultimately want to go? The answer to this question? I am still sorting it out. But I know that in just a short amount of time, I will have to make a decision; and regardless of where I go, I know I will end up where I am supposed to be. 

Day 23 - Peace be with thee

Shirt: DIY Tie-dye, Pants: American Apparel, Boots: Aldo

The Awesome Peace Bus I saw today in Santa Barbra. Bob (the Peace Bus guy) is traveling around the country promoting peace, love, and wellbeing at college campuses. 

Today's outfit wasn't best suited for the more inland schools I visited today like Fullerton and Oxy which is in Eagle Rock. I was hot–not in a good way–and my feet throbbed in my heeled boots because I didn't account for all the hills on campus at Oxy. Ultimately, however, I liked the look of today's outfit. It portrayed an edgier side to my style. I wore, what I call, a failed attempt at tie-dying a shirt with black dye that I then cut like a muscle shirt. I wore this with my shiny black pants and black boots. I liked this outfit a lot because it's much different from my usual quirky or bohemian choices. This outfit was darker and a little tomboyish. However the heels and tight pants gave the outfit more femininity and shape.  

Always remember...

Keep reading, keep commenting. I love to hear from you. And remember, hold on to the dream, not the pen.

Goodnight!

Day 22: Good Things Come From Small Creations

I would like to begin this blog by mentioning the endless comments I have received today on my new tie-dyed jeans. I went down to Pacific Beach with my friend to take some pictures and window shop. Countless people asked about, commented on, and complimented my jeans and I must say, I am completely flattered by the amount of attention given to these pants today. There is something really gratifying about accomplishing a project–like these pants. When you take the time to plan, design, and then go forth and make your own clothes, you always feel as though you have accomplished a great feat. The whole process is always so much fun too. I always take advantage of "DIY Project Days" as opportunities to stay home on Saturday nights in nothing other than ratty old sweats and a sweatshirt with a mess of paints, dyes, and other craft materials scattered around me like the way it was when I was in Girl Scouts when I was six years old. DIY projects give you that opportunity to just stay indoors, eat crap you shouldn't eat, and catch up on your favorite shows, all for the sake of "art". Yes, I have and always will be a lover of the arts and crafts. I feel sometimes there is no better remedy for a broken heart, broken soul, or broken dream than spending some time creating something–something new. When everything feels wrong and out of your control, it's nice to take a step–though a small step it is–towards making something right, taking control. It's kind of like the idea of making small goals for yourself. When you finish a project, a chore, a workout, regardless how small it was, you always feel like you accomplished something. If nothing else, it was a step forward, a change in path, something you did right in a world that tells you you're doing everything wrong. Especially with homemade clothing; when the plan, the work, the anticipation, and the completion is finally over you don't just put your new creation aside and say, "Well, that was nice." You wear what you made–display it upon your body for the world to see. And regardless of whether or not people ask about, comment on, or compliment your clothing, you still are proud of it because it is entirely you. Your ideas, your time spent, your hard work. I truly believe there is no better cure for a low spirit then the sense of accomplishment; no matter how small, good things come in small packages. Or rather, good things come from small creations.

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."

Jeans: DIY tie-dye, Corset: American Apparel, Sandals: Aldo, Tan belt

Today was a day of small happiness. A day full of little things that make me happy–a day of color, a day of learning, a day of Chipotle burritos, a day of great friends, a day of pictures and adventures, a day of Meryl Streep, and a day of music. Today was a day of small creations. Little moments. Little packages of goodness. And though things are going to take a while before they are completely okay, I am satisfied with the small packages of goodness that life leaves on my doorstep everyday. Though these packages come daily, sometimes I don't remember to open my door to receive them. But I'm tying that little string around my forefinger as a symbol of remembrance of the happiness that life delivers to each of us; we just have to be open enough to receive them. 

Day 21: Blessed

My mom and I just finished watching The Impossible. I had been wanting to see this movie for a while and today–though the movie cost nearly twenty bucks–we decided to finally see this amazing film. Amazing, I think, is an understatement. Words really cannot express the impact of this film. Though you probably already know, the basic plot of the movie is that a family of five goes on vacation to Thailand but instead gets caught in one of the worst natural disasters of modern time. Not only was the acting incredible throughout the entire cast (I don't know how Naomi Watts didn't will the Oscar) but the message that was carried through this compelling and impossible story was incredibly moving. And the movie made me take a look at my life, how I have been living recently. It made me remember how incredibly blessed I am to be here–safe. How fortunate I am to be able to sit here at my own desk in my own room with my own laptop computer in a safe home in one of the nicest areas in the San Diego County. There are so many terrible things happening to regular people like you and me everyday. Things that make you question everything you ever believed in. Things that force children to grow up too early. Things that hurt. Things that I'm not sure I would even be able to get through, not alone at least. What I'm trying to say is, if you are like me and you are reading this from your smartphone or iPad or laptop and you have a bed and a home to rest in at night and a family that you know cares about you unconditionally regardless of how screwed up you think they are, just try to remember how blessed you are too, okay. So many times I think we get so caught up in emotions that we loose sight of what is real. We are feeling beings to a fault. It's like we get stuck in a dark and windowless room. We see nothing–except for our own misery. But our misery, is not reality. Yes, pain is real, our emotions are real. But when we hold onto the anger, the sorrow, the hatred we loose reality–the world right in front of us. And we get trapped in that dark room. But there is so much more out there, out there in the world, I mean. So much more than what we see in our minds. There is definitely more ugly in the world, but there is still so much beauty. There is so much the world has to offer you than that dark place of misery you so often turn to does.

I am glad I saw this movie today. I don't want to live another day in my own place of misery. It's not worth it. It's not worth it to hold onto that pain. Because though it may not be what I feel, I know that my life could be a lot worse than it is right now. I have a home. And though I sometimes don't appreciate it, I have a family. I have a family. And really, that's all that matters, right?

Let me fly free, Society.

Vest: Hollister, Corset: American Apparel, Skirt: NYC, Tan belt

Today I wore my favorite maxi-skirt with my new white corset from American Apparel and an old Hollister long-sleeve button-down that I cut the sleeves off of to make it look like a vest. The shirt had gotten too small to wear long-sleeved but I liked it too much to get rid of it. Instead, I just cut off the sleeves at the seams by the shoulders and now I have a new vest. I liked the mobility and freedom of movement that today's outfit gave me. I took a short walk on the beach today after the service at SRF and I ended up taking my picture there.

Yesterday was my late grandfather's birthday. He died over ten years ago of prostate cancer. I was only seven at the time and I only remember little images and small moments at his house before he got sick. I remember looking for Easter eggs in his back yard when I was about four years old I think. It saddens me that I don't remember more. I wish I did. I wish I did because I know he was an amazing man, someone I would have liked to know now. Someone who I wish I could talk to now. I wish I remembered more because I know how much my mom loves to talk about him and everything he meant to her and I wish I could understand just who the man he was–the man she misses so much. I understand entirely her pain, but I wish I knew better her joy. My Thai grandfather's birthday was yesterday. And I thought I should mention it. Because I know somehow he will know, though my young age may have made it hard for me to remember, I have not and will never forget him.

If you are reading this, know that you are blessed. Know that someone out there cares about you and be thankful that you are alive today. Be thankful for every day you are graced with. Be thankful. And of course, be unnaked. Happy Sunday.

Day 20: The Choice We Make Everyday

Time passes. Whether you are ready for it or not. Time passes, and there is no way to control it. Unlike DRVs, you can't pause time or skip through the parts of life you would rather not look at. You can't fast forward just to see what it looks like at the end and you can't rewind to happier times in the beginning. Unfortunately, life does't give us the same opportunities that modern technology gives us. In life you gotta do it the old-fashioned way: buy your ticket, pick your seat, and sit through the whole movie–for good or for bad, you gotta stick through the whole thing. And Time doesn't wait for us either. I think I have said once before that Time can pass all it wants but so many times we get stuck in a moment that has already begun to rot in our minds. And this–the not letting go, the holding on to what was–is the reason why there is a struggle–between Time and me. Because I cannot ever seem to be able to catch up with Time; I don't want to, really. I've always felt that way though. I feel as though I'm never ready for Time's passage. At times I think, given the opportunity, I would be content to live in a small sliver of my past for the rest of my life. Kind of like the whole "Groundhog Day" experience or the idea of 25 days of Christmas. Many times I wish I could relive that moment over and over again, just to never let that feeling go. Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where Time elapsed rather than passed. A world where those moments are as fresh as the lemons that grow on my grandmother's tree. Just ready for me to pluck them from my own tree of remembrance. But we don't relive. We just live. And we live in a world of stale memories. My dad is always telling me that Time is a manmade thing that we have created to try to make sense of moments, growth, change. It is our safety and sense of continuity but it is also the thing that holds us all back–as it is much easier to blame Time than to blame yourself. We could just as easily live a life without Time. But life is easier if we have Time to blame. It is much easier to blame Time for a lack of care for someone you love. It is easier to blame Time for opportunities you let pass. The baggage that Time brings with it is easier to carry than the regret we feel when we know we had the power to change what was. And so we rely on this made-up unit called Time. And we let Time pass. We let Time pass us by; and without a blink, we watch our lives slip away. Time passes, and that's life, I guess. Or at least, that's what life has become–Time. If you think about it, you never chose to be born. No one does. No one chooses to come into the world. It's a prepaid ticket for a movie you are forced to watch. And regardless, there is never going to be a way to become unborn. The only choice that we have, each day, is whether or not we choose to live. The gift of chance was given to each of us at birth–the chance to simply live. The chance to live with Time right beside us–not ahead of us nor behind us–the chance to be present. But the gift of life is something we give ourselves. It is a choice, life is a choice. You don't choose to be born–you choose to live. 

I'd Dye Without You

DIY t-shirt, Jeans: Tilly's, Sandals: Aldo, Blue sports bra

Today was a good day. There was nothing to be done, today. No homework, no forms, no applications, no auditions, no work. Nothing. Nothing to be done. And I really enjoyed having that lull that is so often absent from my life. I spent the whole day doing little things: I got sandwiches with my mom then walked on the cliffs by the beach for a while then went home and played the guitar until my aunt and grandma came over for a quick visit. I spent the evening with my friend watching old episodes of "I Love Lucy" and eating Chinese noodles. It was a successful day of nothing. I thought of nothing–only lived. Today's outfit really reflects the day, today. I wore the shirt that I used to mop up excess tie-dye dye last night with an old pair of light-washed jeans and feather sandals. It was very simple and relaxed but the colors in the shirt were bright and popped against the faded jeans. The simplicity of the ensemble made me feel free and open to a new day. 

Tomorrow, choose to live. Whatever that means to you. Choose life over the shadows that haunt you. Maybe something will happen, maybe nothing will happen. But regardless, something will feel different. Choose life tomorrow. Choose to live with Time instead of against it. You never know...

Day 19: Quite Exhausted Today...

As shocking as it is, as I made my way up the stairs and into my bedroom tonight after spending a good couple hours tie-dying a pair of old jeans and other items, I almost forgot that I hadn't blogged yet today! As I am extremely tired and feel as though there isn't anything too profound to say about my life at this point–still undecided about where I will be off to next year, still keeping on and getting by, still trying to grow and succeed, and still very excited for Coachella–I decided to share with you yet another poem/song I have been working on recently. 

It is a work in progress, entitled currently, "I Do". It's a more upbeat piece compared to the other stuff that I usually write. Nothing too extravagant; rhythm and rhyme are the primary basis of the piece. The following are two excerpts from what would be the chorus (I haven't formulated verses yet). 

"... 
I'll say it:
Two
It's just two.
Just two words for you,
I do.
I do, I'd do anything for you.
I'll tell that I'll stand beside you
Kiss your lips, I can't be without you.
Two,
I do.
...
Just say it
Too.
It's just two.
Just two words from you,
I do.
I do, just say you want me too.
Tell me that you'll stand beside me
Kiss my lips, you can't be without me
Too.
I do."

It's a little different from the style I usually write in. I tried to play with rhythm of the piece rather than other stylistic choices; just something new and different. 

Paisley Pants!

Pants: Anthropologie, Corset: American Apparel, Jacket: Forever 21, Shoes: Italy, Tan belt, DIY bow

Today's outfit wasn't my ideal spring-break-is-here-so-I-need-to-look-amazing-before-everyone-leaves-and-forgets-I-dress-awesome outfit. It was too cold to wear any items from my new spring attire. So instead I decided on my favorite paisley pants (my only paisley pants, rather) paring them with a plain white lace corset and denim jacket. I wore a tan belt and tan penny loafers to match. These particular pants are from Anthropologie which, as many know, is a fairly expensive store. However, God or the Fairy Godmother of Clothing has a way of reminding you that if you wait just long enough, no one will want what was once new and in demand and then the stuff you want will be up for grabs! That is how these pants came into my possession. I am thankful for the money spent on these pants because in the end, they were worth it as I have put them to good use wearing them quite a bit during the fall and winter seasons.  

Sorry today's post is shorter than usual. To be honest I am so mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted from this past week that this is the most I could eek out tonight. I promise that tomorrow will be filled with fun new ideas to ponder over! Until then...

Day 18: The Perfect Person

There is one very important thing that you learn when you see the ugly side of a person: there is no such thing as the Perfect Person. No matter how kind or how thoughtful or how loyal a person is, there will come a time that he/she will disappoint you–hurt you. And then you will see his/her ugliness. No matter how beautiful we are as individuals living cohesively on earth, there is ugly in each and everyone of us–a blip in the manufacturing. And I have been searching for that Perfect Person all my life. That one person who will be my shelter, my guide, and my sanity. The person who is perfect and in every way and who I can trust because I know that they are always right. I have searched for this person in my parents, teachers, friends, mentors, and copious amounts of people. And I always believed that I would one day find and cling to that perfect human. But I loss faith in that person because he/she cannot fit the mold of that Perfect Person. And up until today, I was still waiting to find that one person I could look to for that one quality that I realize doesn't exist in the human race–perfection. I realized that we are beings filled with the same about of love as we have hate, the same amount of happiness that we have anger, the same amount of beauty that we have ugly. And so, no one can possess that quality, "perfection". It's not possible. No matter how much you believe in someone, no matter how kind or thoughtful or loyal, they are not perfect and not a living soul alive can be right all the time. We are imperfect machines–drugs designed to cure but carrying with us undesired side effects. There is no such thing as the perfect person. Today wen I realized this, it scared me. It instantly made me feel as though I had lost all trust in people–in humanity. But ultimately, it helped me grow up a bit. In life, people are just people; they're not meant to be our shelter, our guide, and our sanity all at the same time. They can, however, be those things separately. Your mom can be your shelter, your father your guide, you friends your sanity. Take the good that these imperfect beings have given you and perhaps you will feel what it feels like to know perfection. As perfection is not about a single being but rather perfection is recognizing the existence of the ugly, but choosing to only see the beauty. 

 Stay UnNaked

My Little Flower Patch

UnNaked t-shirt, Lucky Brand jeans, Tan belt 

Today's outfit featured my very own one-of-a-kind UnNaked t-shirt. It is the one that I made the night before Easter Sunday. I used only my leftover egg dye to tie-dye the shirt in light green, blue, and purple. I wore the shirt today in this outfit to promote my blog. I am looking forward to creating more UnNaked t-shirts and perhaps other items as well. I wore my UnNaked shirt with worn blue jeans and a thick tan belt. I wore feather sandals on bottom. The style of today's outfit was sort a casual-hippie style. Nothing too elaborate, yet still fun. 

Thanks for reading! Happy Friday-eve and I look forward to hearing from you if you like what you see.