Time passes. Whether you are ready for it or not. Time passes, and there is no way to control it. Unlike DRVs, you can't pause time or skip through the parts of life you would rather not look at. You can't fast forward just to see what it looks like at the end and you can't rewind to happier times in the beginning. Unfortunately, life does't give us the same opportunities that modern technology gives us. In life you gotta do it the old-fashioned way: buy your ticket, pick your seat, and sit through the whole movie–for good or for bad, you gotta stick through the whole thing. And Time doesn't wait for us either. I think I have said once before that Time can pass all it wants but so many times we get stuck in a moment that has already begun to rot in our minds. And this–the not letting go, the holding on to what was–is the reason why there is a struggle–between Time and me. Because I cannot ever seem to be able to catch up with Time; I don't want to, really. I've always felt that way though. I feel as though I'm never ready for Time's passage. At times I think, given the opportunity, I would be content to live in a small sliver of my past for the rest of my life. Kind of like the whole "Groundhog Day" experience or the idea of 25 days of Christmas. Many times I wish I could relive that moment over and over again, just to never let that feeling go. Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where Time elapsed rather than passed. A world where those moments are as fresh as the lemons that grow on my grandmother's tree. Just ready for me to pluck them from my own tree of remembrance. But we don't relive. We just live. And we live in a world of stale memories. My dad is always telling me that Time is a manmade thing that we have created to try to make sense of moments, growth, change. It is our safety and sense of continuity but it is also the thing that holds us all back–as it is much easier to blame Time than to blame yourself. We could just as easily live a life without Time. But life is easier if we have Time to blame. It is much easier to blame Time for a lack of care for someone you love. It is easier to blame Time for opportunities you let pass. The baggage that Time brings with it is easier to carry than the regret we feel when we know we had the power to change what was. And so we rely on this made-up unit called Time. And we let Time pass. We let Time pass us by; and without a blink, we watch our lives slip away. Time passes, and that's life, I guess. Or at least, that's what life has become–Time. If you think about it, you never chose to be born. No one does. No one chooses to come into the world. It's a prepaid ticket for a movie you are forced to watch. And regardless, there is never going to be a way to become unborn. The only choice that we have, each day, is whether or not we choose to live. The gift of chance was given to each of us at birth–the chance to simply live. The chance to live with Time right beside us–not ahead of us nor behind us–the chance to be present. But the gift of life is something we give ourselves. It is a choice, life is a choice. You don't choose to be born–you choose to live.
I'd Dye Without You
DIY t-shirt, Jeans: Tilly's, Sandals: Aldo, Blue sports bra
Today was a good day. There was nothing to be done, today. No homework, no forms, no applications, no auditions, no work. Nothing. Nothing to be done. And I really enjoyed having that lull that is so often absent from my life. I spent the whole day doing little things: I got sandwiches with my mom then walked on the cliffs by the beach for a while then went home and played the guitar until my aunt and grandma came over for a quick visit. I spent the evening with my friend watching old episodes of "I Love Lucy" and eating Chinese noodles. It was a successful day of nothing. I thought of nothing–only lived. Today's outfit really reflects the day, today. I wore the shirt that I used to mop up excess tie-dye dye last night with an old pair of light-washed jeans and feather sandals. It was very simple and relaxed but the colors in the shirt were bright and popped against the faded jeans. The simplicity of the ensemble made me feel free and open to a new day.
Tomorrow, choose to live. Whatever that means to you. Choose life over the shadows that haunt you. Maybe something will happen, maybe nothing will happen. But regardless, something will feel different. Choose life tomorrow. Choose to live with Time instead of against it. You never know...
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