I've learned that it is hard to live life according to a script you have written for yourself. It's like trying to plan out how many times you will blink in a day or the number of times you will breathe in and out in a minute. Some things just need to happen organically. Now that’s not to say that we shouldn’t make goals and dreams for ourselves and that these goals and dreams won’t come true. With hard work and patience, you can achieve your dreams, I truly believe that; however, the path that leads you to your goal may be different from what you expected. And that’s okay. You know up until as recent as a couple weeks ago, I believed that there was only one way to my ultimate goal; and that way was the script I had written in my head: I would graduate, go to school in New York and proceed from there to venture into the world taxes and rent and pretty much everything to do with reality. But that was then, and this is now. And now, I feel as though reality has slapped me in the face with a cold fish. Things don’t happen the way we plan them. They can’t. It’s not possible. You cannot plan out the experiences you may have, people you may meet, or places you may go because you don’t live in a glass bubble. Regardless of whether we realize it or not, what any given person does affects each of us; and we do, of course, affects the world around us respectively. If you imagine a time when you were waiting on a friend who was late for lunch plans, you will understand what I mean. That friend who was late, may have been stuck in the parking lot waiting for a woman and her son to finish packing her car with endless bags of groceries who may be short on time because she was called last minute to fill-in for another mom by bringing snacks for the boys' soccer game because she couldn’t make it to the game because her younger daughter broke her wrist and needed to be taken to the doctor. And because of all this, your friend was roughly fifteen minutes late to a twelve-thirty meeting time. If a plan as minute as this can be affected by smallest occurrences, how can your ultimate life script not be changed–affected by your own weaknesses, strengths, and plain chance? What I’m saying is, our scripts are forever changing because we live in a world that is forever changing. The best thing we can learn to do–a thing that I have trouble with more than anything else–is adapt. To learn to be resilient in pursuing our ultimate goals but open to finding new trails that lead to that same dreams. Some trails may be open to us one day and then closed the next. But if the goal, the dream matters enough, we will eventually find our way to where we were always heading–where we are ultimately meant to be. All we can do until then is be patient, be persistent, and be present–because life hands us opportunities when we are present and available to take them.
Today I drove up the coast with my mom to visit some of the schools in the Los Angeles region that I have been accepted to. I toured the theatre department at CSU Fullerton, and took a second look at Occidental College and UCSB. While none of these schools were anywhere close to my top schools when I was applying back in October, I am now learning more about each of them as well as the others that I have also been accepted to. I'm also learning to finally let go of that pen that I've held in trying to write my life down on paper. I am rather looking at the big picture–what is the smartest, most growth-encouraging and cost-effiecent option for me that will get me where I ultimately want to go? The answer to this question? I am still sorting it out. But I know that in just a short amount of time, I will have to make a decision; and regardless of where I go, I know I will end up where I am supposed to be.
Day 23 - Peace be with thee
Shirt: DIY Tie-dye, Pants: American Apparel, Boots: Aldo
The Awesome Peace Bus I saw today in Santa Barbra. Bob (the Peace Bus guy) is traveling around the country promoting peace, love, and wellbeing at college campuses.
Today's outfit wasn't best suited for the more inland schools I visited today like Fullerton and Oxy which is in Eagle Rock. I was hot–not in a good way–and my feet throbbed in my heeled boots because I didn't account for all the hills on campus at Oxy. Ultimately, however, I liked the look of today's outfit. It portrayed an edgier side to my style. I wore, what I call, a failed attempt at tie-dying a shirt with black dye that I then cut like a muscle shirt. I wore this with my shiny black pants and black boots. I liked this outfit a lot because it's much different from my usual quirky or bohemian choices. This outfit was darker and a little tomboyish. However the heels and tight pants gave the outfit more femininity and shape.
Always remember...
Keep reading, keep commenting. I love to hear from you. And remember, hold on to the dream, not the pen.
Goodnight!
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