Day 32: Yesterday

How can you fathom what it means to loose something that means everything to you? To those who have never experienced it–loss, I mean–it's as impossible to understand as the idea of an upward gravitational force. You can't know. You can't know what it feels like. Because when you loss someone or something that means everything to you, you can't see tomorrow. You can't imagine a tomorrow because you could never imagine a life without what you lost. You can't accept that tomorrow, when it comes, will find you alone. Alone, because you have lost the one thing you thought you'd always carry with you. The one thing that kept you from having to feel alone. Instead, those who have lost, people like me, we live in Yesterday. Because Yesterday–whatever Yesterday means to you–is so much better than facing tomorrow alone. And I think the nice thing about Yesterday is that it doesn't change, you know. Nobody can come and try to take away your Yesterday. It's too late. You'll always have Yesterday. When you live in Yesterday, you don't have to see tomorrow. In Yesterday you don't need to worry because you already know. You know what happens, you know how it ends. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore. Yesterday is like a harbor, a place to return to at night when the world is quiet again. When there is nothing left but you–and you, alone. But in Yesterday, you don't have to feel it, or be alone.

Today found me sick, again. The thing I hate most about being sick is not the feeling of sandpaper in my throat or my body's inability to pick whether it wants to be hot or cold, it's being stuck inside, watching through my window shades another day come and go without even acknowledging my existence. It's the emptiness, the lonely feeling. The curiosity of how much life was missed today, being away from the world and away from life. That is the worst part about getting sick. 

Seals like to bask in the sun (awr! awr!)

Sweater: Nordstrom, Sweats: Pink Zone

This was Sick Day outfit #2: Nordstrom sweater and tie-dye sweat pants. It perfect for staying around the house, very comfortable and warm. 

Thanks for reading! Hope to be feeling better tomorrow to give you some new looks! Until then...