Almost a year ago, I thought I had lost my purpose in life. Something had changed–a lot of things had changed–and I could no long find a reason to be. I would ask myself, what was my reason to ever get out of bed in the morning–to wake up, and live? A year later–today–I still am absent in the presence of purpose. For reasons the same and for reasons different. Today, I am without purpose, without reason, without a plan. For once, I am living without a plan. And it's frightening, you know, living without a plan. At least for me it is as I have always been the typical Type-A who schedules her trips to the bathroom and what not. But now it's different and plan or no plan, life is changing and it's out of my control. Because as this year ends, we ("we" being us seniors) find a change in era. Come June, we will take those final steps that close the the circle of yet another year. Bringing us to the same place we stood last year and the year before that and the one preceding that one. Everything will be the same, but one thing. There is no more circle, no more guided path that leads us over and over again down the same track that we've been on for the past four years–or rather, for most of our conscious lives. And I worry; because this time as I take my final steps that close the space and lead me to the place where I've stood many times before, the sidewalk will end. It will crumble at the touch of my left shoe, pieces falling to the dirt. Everything I was, everything I am, everything I was not, everything I am not is waiting for me to let go–to fall. Fall, into my next circle–my next era. Though I don't feel ready and as much as I would like to travel along my circle just one more time, one more year, signs show now.. the road ends here. It's time to fall. The road ends here, and there is nothing more I can do but fall. Fall, and hope that I fall into the place where I am meant to be.
Back From Planet Coachella
Shirt: Coachella, Vest: Forever 21, Tights: Rite Aid, Shoes: Mom's
Close up of my Coachella shirt
So today's outfit was very much Coachella-inspired (if it's not apparent already). I bought this shirt Sunday at the Coachella Boutique for $35 if I remember correctly. It's much colder back in San Diego right now so I wore the T-shirt with tights and my faux-fur vest. I wore the old pair of combat boots that I found in the attic a couple weeks ago. These boots are in fact real combat boots; that is to say, these hurt like a mother if you are dumb and kick yourself in the shin like me. My mom wore these boots in the 80s when she dressed up like those in Mash. As for my choice of hairstyle, (which I feel necessary to address in this post) it too was inspired by the looks I have seen this past weekend at Coachella. Coachella has become know as a huge event across the nation. Not only known for the amazing music it features but also for the eccentric and modern-hippie styled people that roam the grass field during the festival. Needless to say, I picked up a few new ideas from those I saw around me this weekend. One being this hairstyle–two buns. As I call them, Space Buns. You can wear them high or low, they still look awesome–funky, fun, and incredibly easy to do.
Thanks for reading! Comment if you like it, I'll love you forever!
Stay unnaked.
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