"There are some days that pass by fine. When the present is too full to have room for the past to haunt me. When time itself finds a way to cast a shadow against what I have left behind–what has left me behind. Yes, many days pass by just fine without you.
But there are days when I cannot cope. Days when I feel as though every piece of my heart and every atom that makes up my body belongs to and exists only for you. There are some days like today. Days that find me standing like a loyal old dog by place where I first saw you, waiting. Just waiting for the moment when you will return to me. When I will see you in the familiar place you once called your own. It is days like these that weigh my heart down with the heavy anchor that I have come to know as Nostalgia. Days that I not only wish I could go back but also believe that my wanting will some how transport me to those early days with you.
Not a day goes by that I don’t remember. Not a day goes by anymore that I don’t remember you and what was. What made me so happy. And each day I live, I spend a year ago that same day. Just trying, believing, and aching for those moments again. Moments with you and moments when I was in your absence. But you were still there. And I had you to look forward to. I miss the way I felt when you were with me. I miss walking away slowly because I knew if I held my gaze just a little longer I may get to see you just for one more moment. I miss listening to the songs that remind me of you and transcribing every single word you said to paper so they would never be lost. I miss the mornings. Mourning. And yet you probably don't even remember. Do you? I miss what morning once meant to me. I miss the way it felt to dream about you with the feeling of hope that it could be. I miss how you were my everything. But mostly, I just really miss you.
Each day still passes. There is nothing I can do to change that. And while most days pass just fine, there are still those other days. The days when I am not only in your absence but also in the absence of light. And it is those days that keep me up late at night wondering how much of my life I missed today."
This was written three years ago today. Perhaps not to the date, but to the day. I remember because it was a Tuesday. Today is Tuesday. This was a piece I wrote in my creative writing class; something I had written in my journal that we kept daily. I cannot remember what it was for; I think maybe it was a excerpt from the novel I was attempting to write at the time. Anyways, I was looking through my old bookshelf today and found this while scanning through my old journals. And because I wrote this today–three years ago, I felt compelled to share it with you today. And also, there is a sort of truth that rings out from what I wrote. I feel as though, I almost wrote this some three years ago knowing that one day it would mean something to me–something greater than I could fathom at the time. It's interesting, I think, to look back on your life, thinking about the things that perhaps once didn't make sense or matter to you and then comparing it to today. Seeing how God or fate or your pure intuition gave you things that didn't make sense then, but somehow mean everything to you now. That's what this excerpt was to me today. Whether it was God or fate or just my intuition, something out there knew, I would need this one day. Need it, and finally understand. So I hope you enjoyed it.
Today, I haven't been feeling well and I'm worried that I may be getting sick so I'm going to make the rest of this post short.
This isn't Woodstock, man
Skirt: NYC, Top: Forever 21, Headband: Papaya, Shoes: Aldo
Wearing this outfit today, I got many comments from people at school saying I look like a hippie or an indian or something "indie". And looking back at this photo now, yes, I do too think I look a little bit like a hippie. Regardless, what I love most about this outfit is the "flowy" nature of it. I feel as though I, myself, am the wind. Light and free. The lace top adds elegance to the outfit without making the ensemble too busy with the bright skirt below. The patterns and styles of the two main pieces compliment and also match each other.
Thanks for reading! Have a good night!
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