This post isn't going to be much. I've had a pretty hard night. Not only because I closed the door on yet another chapter of my life, but also because I was rejected from three of my top choice colleges. And so today found me standing at the point where the waves break in the ocean. Each wave not only pushing me back to shore but crashing down on top of me, pulling me down–pulling my heart down. I look back today and think–a year ago, so many things were different. A year ago today, things were a lot different. A year ago today, I had one more year. One more year at this school, one more year of cheer. And although so many times I would complain about practice or having games on days when I had shows, I'm really going to miss those moments with my team–my second family. I'm going to miss the lights. I'm going to miss how the turf smelled like hot tar during summer practices and how the little beads from the field travelled all the way into my bed at night. I'm going to miss the bus rides to away games and on home nights, the way it felt standing in the middle of the field for the national anthem. Total stillness would settle over us, until the moment when we would raise our poms to the dark sky following the words "...and the home of the brave". I bet from above, it looked like two streams of endless gold. But above all, however, above even these moments, I'm going to miss my cheer coach–Coach C–the most. This post is for Coach really. If he ever reads this, I hope he knows how thankful I am for his presence in my life. Though I've only known him for three years, he taught me the most. I look to him as my second dad. He is the person I turn to when I just need someone. I don't even have to say anything, he just knows. And he lets me know that I'm okay, you know. That what matters most is what matters to me–and that I matter. He always told me, "Just keep smiling, never loose that smile." And so many times, it is hard to remember that when my mind is taking me somewhere else. But he was always there, and he would tell me, "Just keep smiling." Of all the people in my life, I feel he understands me in a way that most people don't. In a way that words are meaningless. He is to me–like I said–a second dad. Someone I know, at the end of the day, really does care about me; and wants me to be happy. Coach C gave me the courage to make the changes that I needed to make in my life; changes that have led me to where I am today. Because a year ago, things were a lot different. A year ago today, I was afraid–afraid of the future, afraid of my past, and afraid of me. Today–I'm still afraid– afraid of the regrets I carry with me and afraid of the future that lies in a fog ahead. But I'm not afraid of me. I am stronger now than I was a year ago. I'm confident. I'm independent. I am courages. Courage. In that word–courage–there is a "C". And as long as I have that courage, I guess I'll always have my "C".
Today at my final cheer banquet marked the end of a chapter in my life. Though I didn't really realize it while it was here, I am thankful for cheer because it was a constant in my life. Something that was always there. A commitment to the team and to myself. And for that, I'll always be grateful; and I'll always remember.
Same day, 3 years later
Sweater: Nordstroms, Shoes: Aldo, Flower crown: Etsy
Senior gifts at the banquet
Me and C
Some of my favorite ladies right here
Going to really miss them...
Like I said, today's post wasn't much on fashion. I'm tired (if you know what I mean). And I don't have much else to say. But, I guess that's okay. Tomorrow will come and with it, the promise of a new beginning, and the chance to turn everything around again. But for now, I think it's time to say goodbye to today. Until tomorrow...
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