Day 4: A Constant We Can Keep

At yoga today, I spent a lot of time reflecting. I thought about where I am today–who I am, who my friends are, where I live, the things I love. And then I thought about where I thought I would be today–who I thought I would be, who I thought my friends would be, where I thought I'd be living now, and the things I thought I loved. And I realized that the tragic thing about life is not the pain that we have to endure but rather the process of learning to accept that our idea of what life is, is not at all what we thought. It's the discrepancy between expectation and reality. Without expectation, life would cease to bring us pain. The only reason we feel pain is because we believe so strongly in what we think is supposed to happen. But when life gives us a different path, we feel pain. When you are five, your expectation when learning to ride a bike is that you will be successful; but when you fall and scrape your knee on the rough asphalt you feel pain–physically as well as emotionally. You become afraid. Afraid to reach for expectation and content to settle with reality. And that's really where it begins. When you are young, experience is the next chapter in your life story. All you need, you already have: faith. Faith is what keeps you going. Faith in that beautiful ending that you know is just waiting for you. So you read on, but this book isn't what you thought it was. The picture on the cover doesn't match the story unravelling in front of you. The plot becomes complicated. People die, people cheat each other, and love ends. The nice thing about a book though is that if you don't like the story, you can stop reading. You can stop–mid-sentence, set the book down, and go pick another one. But life doesn't really give you that option. When life gets hard, you don't have the option to live another life for a while until yours gets better. You only get one life, one plot, one book. And a lot of stuff is out of your control. And that is sometimes one of the hardest to accept. It is hard to surrender our control–our expectation. To let whatever happens... happen. However, there are many things in life that we can control and I find that learning to accept this–learning to accept responsibility is what hurts the most. Accepting that our fate is in our control. That what happened that one night could have gone entirely different had you done what you wanted–had you not been afraid. It is living with regret that hurts the most. I guess what I'm getting at is that life is complicated and its messy though I wish it wasn't. And we as people are just trying to live, trying to be happy. And I guess happiness comes from the ability to let go of expectations, embrace reality, let go of fear, and hold onto that faith we once had when we were five. Today I spent a lot of time reflecting. Thinking about me–who I am, who I was, and who I will be someday. Sometimes it feels like there are very few things that are constant in life; something or someone is always changing or leaving and then coming back into our lives. So I feel it is up to us to find something that is constant–something that keeps us grounded. Whether it is exercise daily, writing, or taking some time out of the day to just sit down and watch your favorite TV show just because it makes you laugh, find something that you can call a constant in your life–a gift you gave yourself. For me–for the next 361 days that is–my constant is this, creating art and writing about my life as I see it. Creating new ideas everyday. It is a constant, a challenge, a reason to continue growing and keep going.

The Girl in the Stripped Pajamas

Pants: Pangea, Top: Forever 21, Shoes: Steve Madden, Jacket: Forever 21, DIY Bow

As for today's outfit, I wore a new pair of sheer stripped pants that I bought yesterday at the Pangea attached to the Pannikin coffeehouse in Del Mar. I was attracted to the pants because I saw so many different ways I could wear them: with a loose tank top tucked in, with a crop top, or with a simple cardigan or jacket. I find it rare to find bold pieces that are also versatile and so I was very thankful that I found this pair. I was eager to wear them today for my next post. I paired the pants with my crocheted white crop top and white Steve Madden heals. I tried to keep the upper half of my outfit more simple–solid and lighter colors–because the pants are already so busy. What I really loved about today's outfit was that it was super comfortable. My new pants are soft, light, and loose and so today's outfit wasn't one of those ones that I was dying to finally get out of at the end of the day. When creating an outfit, I consider my biggest success to be when I create an outfit that I don't want to take off–when creativity mixes with comfort. With this in mind, today's outfit was a huge success.

Life for me is changing so fast it's hard to believe. With graduation soon approaching and final college decisions being sent out as I type this post, I feel, now more than ever before, I am going to need a constant. Something I can turn to at the end of the day that doesn't change. And so for me, my constant will just be another day unnaked. Keep following, keep commenting. I'll be here.