Another Day UnNaked: Day 6: Answers Only Patience Can Bring

I'm still a little unsure what to make of today. I wouldn't say it was a bad day, nor would I say that it was a good day. But today made me realize something: when there is something in life that is making you hurt, the easiest way–at least for me–to make it go away is to sleep. I remember almost a year ago, when I was going through a particularly hard time in my life, I felt so tired. I felt tired because it was easier to feel tired than to feel the pain. And it was easier to just tell people I was tired, even though I wasn't really tired–I was just hurting. And a dream–even a nightmare–is a much friendlier place than the real world when you are depressed. Because, in a dream, you know it isn't real and because of this, pain–and subsequently joy–is muted just a little. Yes, sleep is a much better option than consciousness when you are depressed. And though I would not call myself depressed anymore, today found me in that kind of dreary and delirious state. I was tired. But no matter how tired you are, you still have to wake up. And I did wake up. At 6:00 AM. On a Saturday. The one day God gives me to actually sleep in. My mom–who is working on a new documentary–and I went to the Blue Sky Ranch in Lake Side for a Spring Equinox labyrinth walk that it was holding. At first, I was not looking forward to this for several reasons; the first being that I was up at an ungodly hour. Also, I just was not feeling well and was just... tired. I was really tired. But I went along and it turned out to be a really interesting experience. While my mom went around getting B-roll for her film and interviewing various people, I was assigned the role of the photographer–as usual. And I don't mind really, I enjoy taking pictures. So my mom, my grandma, and I sat with a small group of people and listened to the owner of the ranch speak about the mystic nature of the labyrinth and its power to help people find clarity in their lives. This particularly intrigued me as I myself have been feeling lost–I guess that's the best term to describe it but it still doesn't feel like it sums up everything. While everyone filed into the labyrinth, I took pictures of people, nature, and this adorable five-year-old girl named Kusumi who I met at the ranch this morning. (I've attached some pictures at the bottom). Once everyone else had gone, including Kusumi, I took the empty moment as an opportunity to walk through the labyrinth myself. I set an intention–something that has been on my mind for a long time–and walked through the stone-lined path. As I rounded each corner–the sound of gravel crunching under my feet similar to the way it sounds when a ballet dancer steps into a box of rosin–I brooded over my intention–waiting for an answer to appear. I thought solely about my intention and was in a sort of trance for sometime. I was almost to the center of the labyrinth when my mom called me and said we needed to leave. At first, I was angered because I never got to the center–I never got my answer. And I left the ranch feeling unfulfilled. As if you were to stop speaking mid-sentence. It wasn't until I got home, and resumed my dreary state that I realized the answer the labyrinth gave me. I was focusing on the wrong thing and whether I got to the center or not, it would not have made a difference because the answer would have been the same. There are somethings you just have to let go of–for forever or maybe just for a while. But asking for when it will return–whatever it is you are waiting for–has an impossible answer. And only patience can give it to you.

When at the ranch, I spent some time exploring the property–enjoying the view and taking pictures of things that I found beautiful. I noticed a large stone cave at the top of a hill and was curious what it was. So I took a trail up to it and later found out it was a meditation cave. I don't remember the whole story behind it, but it had something to do with the "Tree of Life" and the stone cave itself was dedicated to Venus. Thus, it had the sign of the Venus on the front. I brought my grandma up to the cave and asked her to take my picture by it for my photo of the day. And before I left, I went inside the cave. I saw some candles resting on the inner wall. I tried to imagine people before me coming up here to meditate or to just get away from the world for a little while...

Venus, Take Me Home

Shirt: Forever 21, Jeans: Tilly's, Jacket: Forever 21, Shoes: Rite Aid

My outfit for today's day at the ranch included a stolen pair of my mom's old light-washed jeans, my crocheted crop top, army green jacket, and red sneakers. It was simple, but fitting for the outdoors adventures I embarked upon today. I was glad I hadn't worn a long skirt and heels when Kusumi was leading me through overgrown trails. Although, I love wearing crazy stuff that makes me feel unique, I also enjoy wearing simple outfits. Like today. I feel life is about balance. With the crazy, the extreme, you need some sanity, simplicity. And God only knows how badly I need some sanity these days.

Later today, I went with my good friend to the movies to see Side Effects. If you have not seen it yet I highly recommend it. We both loved it–although afterwards he had to explain parts of it to me. (It's a movie you can get lost in pretty easily). The main actors included Rooney Mara from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Jude Law, and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Overall, the acting was very well-done–especially Rooney Mara. The cinematography of the piece was phenomenal and I found the idea behind the plot intriguing and refreshing compared to the countless romantic comedies and books-turned-to-movies that Hollywood has been turning out these days. I won't say anymore because, well, for one its too hard to explain, and also because it is really good and I hope you all go see it.

Although, I still can't say I had a good day today, I won't deny that I had some fun, enlightening, and empowering moments today. And even if it wasn't the best, it was good enough to mean something. If nothing else, there was significance.

Keep reading for more daily posts and I'd love to hear back from you what you think. Until tomorrow, enjoy life and don't be afraid to listen... you know what I mean.