Day 21: Blessed

My mom and I just finished watching The Impossible. I had been wanting to see this movie for a while and today–though the movie cost nearly twenty bucks–we decided to finally see this amazing film. Amazing, I think, is an understatement. Words really cannot express the impact of this film. Though you probably already know, the basic plot of the movie is that a family of five goes on vacation to Thailand but instead gets caught in one of the worst natural disasters of modern time. Not only was the acting incredible throughout the entire cast (I don't know how Naomi Watts didn't will the Oscar) but the message that was carried through this compelling and impossible story was incredibly moving. And the movie made me take a look at my life, how I have been living recently. It made me remember how incredibly blessed I am to be here–safe. How fortunate I am to be able to sit here at my own desk in my own room with my own laptop computer in a safe home in one of the nicest areas in the San Diego County. There are so many terrible things happening to regular people like you and me everyday. Things that make you question everything you ever believed in. Things that force children to grow up too early. Things that hurt. Things that I'm not sure I would even be able to get through, not alone at least. What I'm trying to say is, if you are like me and you are reading this from your smartphone or iPad or laptop and you have a bed and a home to rest in at night and a family that you know cares about you unconditionally regardless of how screwed up you think they are, just try to remember how blessed you are too, okay. So many times I think we get so caught up in emotions that we loose sight of what is real. We are feeling beings to a fault. It's like we get stuck in a dark and windowless room. We see nothing–except for our own misery. But our misery, is not reality. Yes, pain is real, our emotions are real. But when we hold onto the anger, the sorrow, the hatred we loose reality–the world right in front of us. And we get trapped in that dark room. But there is so much more out there, out there in the world, I mean. So much more than what we see in our minds. There is definitely more ugly in the world, but there is still so much beauty. There is so much the world has to offer you than that dark place of misery you so often turn to does.

I am glad I saw this movie today. I don't want to live another day in my own place of misery. It's not worth it. It's not worth it to hold onto that pain. Because though it may not be what I feel, I know that my life could be a lot worse than it is right now. I have a home. And though I sometimes don't appreciate it, I have a family. I have a family. And really, that's all that matters, right?

Let me fly free, Society.

Vest: Hollister, Corset: American Apparel, Skirt: NYC, Tan belt

Today I wore my favorite maxi-skirt with my new white corset from American Apparel and an old Hollister long-sleeve button-down that I cut the sleeves off of to make it look like a vest. The shirt had gotten too small to wear long-sleeved but I liked it too much to get rid of it. Instead, I just cut off the sleeves at the seams by the shoulders and now I have a new vest. I liked the mobility and freedom of movement that today's outfit gave me. I took a short walk on the beach today after the service at SRF and I ended up taking my picture there.

Yesterday was my late grandfather's birthday. He died over ten years ago of prostate cancer. I was only seven at the time and I only remember little images and small moments at his house before he got sick. I remember looking for Easter eggs in his back yard when I was about four years old I think. It saddens me that I don't remember more. I wish I did. I wish I did because I know he was an amazing man, someone I would have liked to know now. Someone who I wish I could talk to now. I wish I remembered more because I know how much my mom loves to talk about him and everything he meant to her and I wish I could understand just who the man he was–the man she misses so much. I understand entirely her pain, but I wish I knew better her joy. My Thai grandfather's birthday was yesterday. And I thought I should mention it. Because I know somehow he will know, though my young age may have made it hard for me to remember, I have not and will never forget him.

If you are reading this, know that you are blessed. Know that someone out there cares about you and be thankful that you are alive today. Be thankful for every day you are graced with. Be thankful. And of course, be unnaked. Happy Sunday.